Growing pains of crossing the line.

So here I am, all grown up. Ok, so I'm not all that grown up. But on good days I feel closer to that.

I'm a single mom. Working it. I get to work. I pay our rent. Buy the groceries. Cook the dinner. Yet, I'm for the first time in my life, feeling like I get to be who I really am inside...and I'm finding who that is. Its so wonderful and wierd at the same time. This last year I became honest with myself enough to do some real soul searching about the religion I was raised in...which led to much prayer and research to answer my nagging questions...which led to the choice I made to no longer subscribe to what my family holds as the only true religion. Its been the scariest thing that I've ever had to face. I've lost relationships with most of family and friends that are irreplaceable. (Mom, if you ever read this please know that I love you more than I can put into words and blogging about it would do no justice to my feelings for you.) Shunning is one of the most emotionally and spiritually destructive practices. It's as if a huge amount of people I love have died. That is how complete the shunning is. I will never treat anyone differently or exclude them because of difference in beliefs. I don't care if you're Buddist or Born Again or Atheist because we are all part of the grand span of humanity. Real love crosses those boundaries. I feel more than ever that I have to use my life to improve the lives of others...somehow. Now that I've come out with this despite the enormous fear of loss...how I feel about my family's faith...I have so much peace that I know God has comforted me. God given freedom of choice and liberation to love is something that I truly know He has given me...to my heart...to my mind...to my spirit...it's something more than just a test. It's a chance to grow and become who I need to be.

I have this one life, and this one heart, and this one spirit... and I choose not to let it pass by unacknowledged as a chance. This one life that I have, every bit of it that is wild and precious, is mine and will mean as much as I can get out of it. Life is empty if it is never used to touch others in the ways that only you can do.