It's in You.

I'm feeling the commencement speech vibe:
We all want something out of life. That awesome job with benefits, that powerful degree, that perfect blend of love, friendship, & fun in a relationship, the child that you've always hoped for...etc. The list could ramble on and on. But my question is, if people have things that they truly want, why delay it? If you know what you want to do with whatever time you have left, what are you waiting for? What is stopping you? Is the pause a stepping stone or a fence? Money only fixes so much, a boyfriend or girlfriend or spouse can only be as supportive as much as you let them be, no possession will ever mean more than its use. The journey is more than half the battle of attainment. It is in the struggle that we find ourselves and nothing will ever fulfill you like yourself. So go get it. Leave the other stuff behind. Dump the garbage and stop sorting through the failures and regrets and what if's. Focus on what you know will one day, as you stare death in the face, be the validation to this existence of yours that you accomplished by the strength of your own will and desire. Be different. Don't settle for almost.

When you feel your tree is breaking just bend.

These lyrics are going up on the wall in my classroom when I make the transition into teaching high school English. Gonna do it and you cant stop me.

Wake up kids,
We've got the dreamers disease.
Age fourteen,
They got you down on your knees.
So polite,
You're busy still saying please.

But when the night is falling,
And you cannot find the light,
If you feel your dream is dying,
Hold tight.

You've got the music in you.
Don't let go
You've got the music in you.
One dance left...
This world is gonna pull through.
Don't give up...
You've got a reason to live
Can't forget you only get what you give

Four a.m. we ran a miracle mile.
We're flat broke,
But hey we do it in style.
There's balance,
God's flying in for your trial.

But when the night is falling,
And you cannot find a friend,
When you feel your tree is breaking
Just bend

You've got the music in you.
Don't let go,
You've got the music in you.
One dance left,
This world is gonna pull through.
Don't give up
You've got a reason to live
Can't forget,
You only get what you give.

-"You Only Get What You Give" by The New Radicals

I'm also thinking of getting some bean bag chairs for creative writing time. Any suggestions?

Growing pains of crossing the line.

So here I am, all grown up. Ok, so I'm not all that grown up. But on good days I feel closer to that.

I'm a single mom. Working it. I get to work. I pay our rent. Buy the groceries. Cook the dinner. Yet, I'm for the first time in my life, feeling like I get to be who I really am inside...and I'm finding who that is. Its so wonderful and wierd at the same time. This last year I became honest with myself enough to do some real soul searching about the religion I was raised in...which led to much prayer and research to answer my nagging questions...which led to the choice I made to no longer subscribe to what my family holds as the only true religion. Its been the scariest thing that I've ever had to face. I've lost relationships with most of family and friends that are irreplaceable. (Mom, if you ever read this please know that I love you more than I can put into words and blogging about it would do no justice to my feelings for you.) Shunning is one of the most emotionally and spiritually destructive practices. It's as if a huge amount of people I love have died. That is how complete the shunning is. I will never treat anyone differently or exclude them because of difference in beliefs. I don't care if you're Buddist or Born Again or Atheist because we are all part of the grand span of humanity. Real love crosses those boundaries. I feel more than ever that I have to use my life to improve the lives of others...somehow. Now that I've come out with this despite the enormous fear of loss...how I feel about my family's faith...I have so much peace that I know God has comforted me. God given freedom of choice and liberation to love is something that I truly know He has given me...to my heart...to my mind...to my spirit...it's something more than just a test. It's a chance to grow and become who I need to be.

I have this one life, and this one heart, and this one spirit... and I choose not to let it pass by unacknowledged as a chance. This one life that I have, every bit of it that is wild and precious, is mine and will mean as much as I can get out of it. Life is empty if it is never used to touch others in the ways that only you can do.

Love sings when it transcends the bad things.

Transcend:

1. To pass beyond the limits of. Ex; Emotions that transcend understanding.
2. To be greater than, as in intensity or power; surpass.
3. To exist above and independent of (material experience or the universe).

How many times does an experience in your life wake you up to that obscure level that liberates you from the painful parts of your existence long enough to see and feel what real love truly is? Even if it was just for a short moment, it alters something inside of you. Whatever the source, its what seems to be lacking in purity or steadfastness in this world. Yet when unadulterated love is given and recognized, it somehow stays. It is selfless. A few days ago I was thinking about a friend of mine that loved others with a purity in selflessness that revealed the depths of his motives. It rises above the mundane little ways that the word 'love' is tossed around. It defined to me how real love is meant to be greater than ourselves.

Passion's Price

"If a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live." - MLK, Jr. What are YOU willing to die for?

Amid the death and destruction that has befallen Haiti, a number of amazing stories of courage and survival have started to emerge.

~American James Girly, 64, was found by French military rescuers from the Securite Civile after he was brought out of the destroyed Hotel Montana where he was trapped for 50 hours in Port-au-Prince.

~Sarlah Chand ,65, was another of the survivors from the remains of the hotel along with seven other Americans who were saved.

~Gladys Louis Jeune was dragged out alive from the rubble of her home, nearly 43 hours after Tuesday's quake, where she was greeted by her ecstatic daughter.

~Native rescuers dug out a 3-month-old baby who was amazingly found alive in the remains of his home, hours after the magnitude 7.0 tremor hit.

~A Spanish rescuer carried to safety two-year-old Redjeson Hausteen, another of the quake’s young survivors.

When I think of the volunteers, foreign and local, who give their time and more often, endanger their lives, I get a glimpse at why Christ said his favorite thing amongst creation is mankind. It takes passion to set yourself aside for someone else, something bigger than yourself. I can't go to Haiti. I can't save the world with dollar bills. But to behold the grace of humanity sparks the motivation to improve the smaller world around me which I can do good for. I used to think it was abstruse selfishness for me to be motivated out of desire to please myself with myself. But that is not the case when the cost is greater than the payoff.

So what is the price of your passion?

Can't sleep. Clown will eat me.

Today I thought, why do I have a blog? Doesn't it add up to a bunch of paragraphs that go out into space? Do I really miss Lit class this much? And the answers are all yes. I love my work, I love my students, but there's something missing that I've got to implement. And I shall fill that void with blogging. Ahhh...let the healing begin!

Misadventures in Dating and God

Obscure question of the day: If a picture is worth a thousand words, what would your photograph say about you?

So this last weekend was bizarre. I'm so grateful that God has given me what some people call intuition. When I was a little girl I wanted nothing more than to one day be a nice man's little wifey and a little mommy of a bunch of adorable and perfect children. 25 years later, scratch the nice man and perfection in children...but I'm not completely disillustioned. Even in the weirdness of wandering around the dating world, I'm whole and wholey in love with the transcendence of this existance. Ugly moments and all, all is a lesson...even if it totally sucks at the time.